A few months ago, after God snatched me up and was like "Hey you! It's time!", I felt like I was constantly searching to figure out what He wanted for my life. I knew He had called me to something, or some things, but I didn't feel like I had any direction. I spoke to the girls in my bible study about it, talked with my mom and hubs, and started praying about it. My main issue is that my little brain is fullfullfull of ideas at all times (pretty sure I've shared that multiple times before), but I can't ever commit to any one thing. I have business ideas and ideas for groups and this and that, but nothing ever comes to pass because it's TOO MUCH. And it's also not THE THING. Like, I always knew there were certain things that I was meant to do, just wasn't sure how to get there.
Funnily enough, God seems to be the key to figuring it all out. Who knew? So after chatting with all these people about my conundrum, I decided to pray for all of my ideas to stop. Like, please God turn my brain off and just don't let me have any more ideas because I can't deal with the battle in my head of having the ideas and not having the answer for how to pursue them.
And this was probably the first time I have ever KNOWN that God answered a prayer, because I went from rattlerattlerattle with ideas all day long, to nothing. Like, silence. It was honestly like He just flipped a switch and the ideas were gone. And it was AWESOME. It was so relaxing and freeing and all the things I needed it to be.
After enjoying that silence for maybe a week or two, I started praying a different prayer. I started praying for the right idea. The idea (or ideas) that God wanted me to pursue. And within no time at all I had a new idea that I'd never had before, that I wasn't even sure that I loved. But I talked to my mom and husband about it, and they both thought it was a great idea. I brought it up to my dad, and he said he thought it was really smart. And I was so surprised, because what a random idea? So I started pursuing it. And instead of pursuing it for a few days and getting frustrated and giving up, things just seemed easier and I kept at it. And before I knew it, it was a real thing that was actually happening.
And now we have Haven Gray Kids.
If you would have told me three or four months ago that my mom and I would have an online shop for boys clothing I would have thought that was kind of ridiculous. But also, if you would have told me like six months ago that I would be a crazy Jesus lady I would have laughed in your face. So basically, what do I know? Now I've got my shop and I've got Jesus and here we are. And I'm loving it.
So this gave me the "career" that I think I've been longing for since becoming a stay at home mom. Which I love that I have the opportunity to do, but man I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom 24/7...I admit and embrace that fact now. This little shop is giving me a purpose, a to-do list to check off which I need, and still lets me be home with my babies. Win-win.
But I also knew there was more. I knew there was something I needed to be doing that gives back to other women, that helps them build community, that gives them something to look forward to. I started a little Thursday night dinner club with a bunch of random friends of mine earlier this summer that has been fab, and I'm going to be a table leader this upcoming year for MOPS. Both of those things were exciting and fun, but I still felt like there was more.
And wouldn't you know, all of the sudden my MOPS group needed a publicity leader. I don't know if anyone knows this about me, but I have a degree in Public Relations. I read the job description and was like "Huh. That's crazy, that's sounds exactly like a job I would apply for". But I thought I'd let someone else take it on. And then a week later they were still looking for someone. So I was like "God? Is that you?", and I reached out to the girls leading MOPS and they were immediately on board and suddenly I'm on the leadership team for this ministry at a church that I just started regularly attending a few months ago. Like, what? But I'm telling you. God is so funny.
So I went from searching nonstop to find my "thing", and all of the sudden I have so many things. So many wonderful fun things that are filling me up to the tippy top with contentedness and joy. I am super overwhelmed, but it really is in all the very best ways. I know there is more to come. I attended Declare, which is a Christian women's blogging conference last weekend (again, what?), and I feel like I had a few experiences that gave me a glimpse into some things that are to come. I don't know when. Years from now? Next week? Neither would surprise me. But it's exciting stuff.
So. I haven't been around here as much as I would like because of all these things, but I am happy and loving life and planning to make my way back here. Even if blogging, writing, whatever, isn't the "thing" like I have always thought, I do know that it's something that I love and will always keep up to some degree. I felt like I got a VERY clear message that I needed to "let go of the idea of what it's supposed to look like" at Declare, so I'm not going to force anything anymore. I'm not going to try and force myself to come here and blog regularly or anything that doesn't feel right. So I hope I'm here often, but I'm just not sure. Life is a crazy mystery, I'm apparently just along for the ride ;)