Being Mommy is Hard Sometimes

When you start talking about being a mom, things can go in a million different directions. Those of us who are lucky enough to have the title know that it's a complicated thing. In a day I feel so many emotions that I question my sanity. I am overjoyed, amused, frustrated, infatuated, annoyed, so in love that my heart might burst, and so exhausted that I might scream.

A little over a year ago I posted about how motherhood is the toughest job I've ever had. This still holds true. I've heard people say it shouldn't be considered a job, and you should never compare it to one, but to be honest? Some days it feels like work. Really, really, exhausting, hard, emotionally, physically, and mentally draining work. Maybe I shouldn't admit that, but it's true.

At the same time, there isn't a job in the world that could fulfill me the way that being a mother does. Some women choose not to have children and are 100% content and fulfilled with a career or a passion or a marriage or whatever it might be. For me, motherhood is that thing. Everyone has their own thing, and I think that's wonderful and beautiful. If you aren't called to be a mother, then you just aren't. No shame, no judgment, no holier-than-though attitude. I have friends who don't want babies, and they are amazing people. I don't know why it turns into an "us versus them" thing so often. I don't know why some people feel the need to downplay motherhood, to act as if it's something you shouldn't be proud of. I'm incredibly proud. I'm proud that I'm shaping this little boy into what will hopefully someday be an amazing, respectful, kind, honest, reliable man. I'm proud that I gave up so much to do that, that it consumes my life. I made that choice, and I don't think I should ever feel like that makes me "less than", just like not having children will never make anyone else "less than".

But motherhood is absolutely something that no job, no training, no nothing in the world could prepare you for. The lengths that you will go to for your child, the sacrifices that you will make, the giving of yourself - I honestly didn't know I had it in me. Some days I question if I do.

Some days, when Grayson doesn't sleep well, or he throws tantrum after tantrum, or the house is a disaster and it seems like all I do is clean and clean and clean...on those days, I feel so drained that I think I might not be able to push through. But then I scoop him up in my arms, cuddle him on the couch, give him a million kisses until he giggles, and I make it through. I reach deep down inside myself and I find that all-consuming love that fills me up and makes the tiredness and the frustration and the fear that I'm losing myself to mommy-hood begin to fade away. There is nothing that can compare to the way I love my son. There just isn't.

So no matter how hard it may be, no matter how tired I may get, no matter how badly I think I just need a break....it's so worth it. I would do it over and over and over again, a million times. I would gladly give up the free time, the TV watching, the book reading, the going out with friends, the lounging around on Sundays, the sleeping in, the trips out of town, the date nights whenever we want them, the career, the time to work out, the time to do anything other than be mommy. Because even though I desperately need those things from time to time, I desperately need to keep a sense of who I am when I'm not mommy....mommy is who I am. It doesn't matter where I am, what I'm doing, how far away I may be. I will always and forever be his mommy, first and foremost. It is so deep within me that it consumes who I am. Motherhood is a sacrifice in a million ways. I discover that more and more all the time.

So yes, it's hard. Yes, it is a challenge. Yes, some days I count down the hours until bedtime. But it's the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my entire life. And I'm not sorry for that.

Becoming Parents...For Real

So eight months into this whole parenting thing, I think Arsen and I have both been feeling pretty confident about how we're doing. Grayson is healthy, happy, and pretty adorable if I do say so myself. Maybe we've been awesome parents, or maybe we just got a good one. Either way, it hasn't been too difficult of a transition in our lives.

I mean...come on. He's pretty great.

But all of the sudden...he's like, a person. Like a real, live human being, with real emotions and desires and thoughts. He's not just a little baby blob that we have to feed and bathe and clothe. He crawls around and gets into things he's not supposed to. He sees us eating and decides he wants what we have and freaks out. He picks up a toy of Addie's and when I take it away he looks at me in horror and shrieks. He throws little tantrums and tries to climb over the backs of sofas and put Addie's rawhide in his mouth.

And it's totally up to me and Arsen to take care of it. All of it.

The discipline. The teaching "right" and "wrong". The healthy food choices. The safety. All. Of. It.

And I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm a little terrified. I've been a pretty freaking fantastic mom so far, if you ask me. I have put my heart and soul, my blood, sweat and tears, every ounce of who I am, into this little boy. He is my entire world. But none of what I've done so far has been "hard". Sure, sleep deprivation is exhausting, breastfeeding a baby with teeth can hurt like a mother, and changing a billion diapers ain't fun. But this. This is a whole new world.

How on earth do we form a human into a thoughtful, caring, considerate, loving, patient, humble, brilliant, kind, successful person? How do you do that? When I can't figure out how to make him understand that grunting and shaking and screaming "Ah! Ah! Ah!" shrilly, over and over, isn't the way to get more food....then how do I teach him to be a functioning, thriving member of society?

Suddenly I have the desire to download 32 parenting books to my iPad and lock myself in a room and not come out until I have read them all and can officially be considered an "expert" on parenting.  But I don't think that's necessarily the answer.

I know what type of parent I want to be. I know I believe in gentle parenting, in parenting out of love, patience, and kindness. I don't believe in spanking or yelling or instilling fear (I was spanked, I know billions of people who spank, but I personally don't want to...but no judgment!). But how on earth do you get an 8 month old baby to understand why he shouldn't throw a tantrum? Why he shouldn't eat the dog's rawhide? Why he shouldn't dive head first off the bed? My poor brain. It's so confused.

Parents of the world, please, please share with me your best parenting a baby-turning-into-a-real-human advice. I beg of you! I know I'll get it all figured out somehow, but where to begin? I'm just not totally sure. I will love you forever if you have some secret trick or some amazing parenting book that I just absolutely must read. Help a mama out!

Surprises in Parenting + A Giveaway

Going into this whole parenting thing I felt like I was pretty well prepared. I definitely did my research, and I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to expect. I knew there would be sleepless nights and countless dirty diapers and more love than I could ever imagine. I knew I would feel overwhelmed and tired and a million other emotions. Logically, I knew a large portion of the things that one should know about parenthood going into it.

But let me tell you, there were some surprises.

I would have to say that the thing that really surprised me the most about this whole baby thing is how exhausted a human being can be and still function. Now that Grayson is three months old and we are on the other side of the whole scream and cry for hours every night until he passes out from exhaustion and then wake up every two hours to eat thing, I generally feel pretty well-rested and just a little tired for the most part. But oh good Lord those first six to eight weeks...I honestly had no idea that was possible.

Looking back at things, I was definitely a bit of a zombie during that time. I have never known an exhaustion to that extreme. I'm quite sure no one other than the mother of a newborn baby has. There were moments when I honestly thought I would just pass smooth out walking across the room I was so sleepy. I can remember laying on the couch with him, rocking him and trying to get him to sleep, practically crying because I needed him to fall asleep so badly. I thought I might never wear anything other than sweatpants and baggy t-shirts because I was always covered in spit up or something worse, and I just didn't have the energy to put in the effort. I can also remember thinking it would be a loooong time until I would be ready to do this whole baby thing again.

Early on, during the zombie phase...I'm smiling because I'm delirious

But like I said, we're on the other side of things now. I generally get about eight hours of sleep a night, with two short little feedings around three and six. I have the time and energy to shower and even fix my hair and put on makeup most days! And this Saturday night when Arsen and I were at a new friends home visiting with them and their one month old teensy tiny baby....I held that sweet girl in my arms and thought, oh, I could do it all again.

And that's the beauty of parenthood. No matter how shocking it can be that you can function on three hours of sleep, covered in baby bodily fluids, exhausted to the point of tears...you would do it again in a heartbeat. That is by far the most surprising thing...how deep that love goes. That you would sacrifice it all, your sleep, your body...your sanity, really. Just to have another sweet little soul to love. Motherhood really is a beautiful thing.

So for all of you sweet mamas out there, I hope you know that I have much love and respect for you and all that you do. Now that I'm a mama myself, I feel such a kinship with anyone else who has gone on this journey before me, or anyone who is coming alongside me. I love sharing my newfound knowledge with my pregnant girlfriends, and really anyone else who will listen. You find out that you just instinctively prefer certain things for your baby, and your baby will have their preferences as well. It's all a big learning process, and I think we should all help each other out, cause let's face it, it's not easy!

This is why I want to give all of you lovely readers the chance to win some of my favorite baby products that I've used thus far. We've been super lucky that Grayson hasn't dealt with serious diaper rash, but he's definitely had his fair share of redness. Dr. Smith's has been an amazing product, and honestly I think it's a big reason why he hasn't had anything serious going on. The minute his booty even gets a hint of redness I put some of this cream on, and I kid you not, within a couple of diaper changes he is good as new. Any mama out there knows how awful you feel if your little one isn't comfy in any way, so I always feel relieved when I can get rid of that redness.

Luckily for all us, Dr. Smith's is now available nationwide at Walgreens...and even luckier for one of you out there, they are giving away a $50 gift card to Walgreens as well as some Dr. Smith's products! Simply enter below via Rafflecopter for your shot at the prize...and Good Luck!

If you can't wait to see if you're the big winner, visit doctorsmiths.com to find a retailer nearest you. 

This is a sponsored post, but all thoughts and opinions are mine.


a Rafflecopter giveaway