Wifely Duties

You guys ready for some brutal honesty? When I was going into my marriage with the husband I was hauling some pretty heavy baggage with me. I had some very negative feelings about what it meant to be a wife, to be married, for him to be my husband - and it made me feel kind of weird. On one hand, I couldn't wait to get married to the love of my life and start this new journey together. But on the other hand, I was slightly terrified of what marriage might do to us.

My parents are divorced. I don't think that all of the negative feelings I had at the time were a result of this, but of course they are tied to it in some ways. They didn't get divorced until I was 22 or 23, so I wasn't really as affected by it as I would have been when I was younger. However, they didn't have the ideal relationship when I was growing up, so I think I held on to a lot of that. I knew very much what I didn't want my marriage to be like, but I wasn't sure how to avoid it because it was basically all I knew. 

I also just had a lot of negative stuff going on when it came to the whole "submissive" side of being a wife. I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I am NOT a submissive person. No. Nope. No way. I am hardheaded and stubborn and convinced that I am right basically at all times. I very specifically would not let the pastor at our wedding use the verse about wives submitting to their husbands because NO. 

Another factor was the family that I was marrying into. My husband's family is not only very traditional but from another culture that puts a lot of value on the more traditional gender roles. The men are very dominant, and the women spend a lot of time in the kitchen, serving everyone and taking care of everyone else before they do anything for themselves. Their culture is really amazing and I see a lot of beauty in it now, but going in it was another "umm NO" thing for me. 

Take all of this stuff, mix it all together and you have the recipe for a very not so great wife. I don't think that I've been a bad wife, necessarily, but I definitely haven't done my best. Because I haven't wanted to. Because if I do these things for my husband, if I willingly cook and clean and pick up his dry cleaning and whatnot, what does that say about me as a modern woman? It's not 1955, I am nobody's housewife (ahem, yes you are), I will NOT be bossed around. 

I hate to admit it, but this is the attitude that I've had for much of our marriage. But as I learn and grow as a person and he and I learn and grow in our marriage, over time I've begun to see things a bit differently. He doesn't want a submissive wife - I don't even think he would enjoy it if I were. I'm sure he likes that I stand up for what I believe in, that I'm willing to debate and engage in a "healthy discussion" when it comes to my own wants and needs - after all, he married me knowing what I was like. But I don't need to have such a hard attitude about things. He's a damn good husband, I need to appreciate that more and be a more understanding wife. 

Of course it's hard. I mean, I hate to cook, and really have to be in the mood to enjoy cleaning. Organizing, sure I'll do that all day long, but cleaning toilets and scrubbing bathtubs? Vom. I hate it. But let's be real. He works nonstop all day every day so I can stay home and raise these sweet babies of ours - shouldn't I handle my wifely duties with a happy heart? Umm yes, I'm pretty sure I should. 

Don't get me wrong, I've always been good to spoil him and buy him fun gifts and cook him meals (sometimes) and keep the house clean and value his opinion and all of that. But I also think I've done all of this with the lingering thought somewhere in the back of my mind that I always need to be sure that I never let him forget that I'm his equal. I may be the wife and he may be the husband, but this is a partnership. And it is. We have a really great relationship overall, we communicate super well, and we have a lot of fun together. I honestly consider him my best friend - so why shouldn't I try and take care of him and our home and everything the best that I can? 

Does anyone else out there struggle with this? Am I the only "modern" girl who has bristled at the thought of a more traditional marriage? I'm genuinely curious if this is a common theme with my generation, or if all of the aforementioned factors are what caused it. Let me know in the comments! 

Three Years of Wedded Bliss

Today we celebrate three years of marriage. Friday we celebrate six years of dating. In some ways it seems like we've been together forever (and some days it feels like foooorrrreeeeevvvvveeeerrrrr. Ha, mostly kidding!), and in others it seems like I'm still getting to know him.

In six years I've learned so much about who I am, what kind of wife I want to be, and what kind of marriage I hope to have. I've learned that I have basically zero patience, a short fuse, and a tendency to yell. I've learned that he won't fight back, likes time to cool off, and is probably just as impatient as me. I've also learned that we are excellent communicators, that we love to make each other laugh, and that date night is absolutely essential in a healthy marriage. I've learned that being new parents together is hard, but that it's wonderful, and that it's the best thing we could have done for our marriage and our relationship. I've watched him grow and mature from a crazy, hilarious college guy who I first saw dancing on a stage with a faux hawk, into a handsome, hard-working, responsible father. And an amazing father, at that.

Three years of marriage, and six years together. We are so still newlyweds, really. We so don't have it figured out. But it is so great, and so fun, and so wonderful, and there is so no one else I would ever want to do this thing with. He is my best friend, and I am his, and even if we drive each other nuts some days, we always come back to this place of being so happy to be here. In this amazing little life that we've created, with this amazing little baby that we made. I can't wait to see where we'll be after thirty years of marriage, or sixty years together. I bet it will be a beautiful life.

Overwhelmed, Lucky, and Happy To Be Here

I can't believe that summer is almost over. All the neighborhood kids are going back to school next week, the pool hours are about to get a lot shorter, and soon the temps in the 100+ range will be a distant memory. The older I get, the faster time seems to pass. Everyone always warned me this would happen, but sometimes I really can't believe how quickly it seems to go.

Now that I have Grayson I'm constantly trying to capture the moments and tuck them away into some little space in my brain so that I can always remember. Even the mundane, every day moments are so special that I hope I never forget them. It's why when I'm having a frustrating day with so many tantrums and missed naps and oh my I'm just so tired why won't you sleep?!?! that I try to stop myself and remind myself that someday he won't be so little. And someday he won't want me to hold him and play with him and shower him with attention 24/7. And someday he won't need me to rock him to sleep or to come in and rock him back to sleep an hour later.

I think in everything that goes on in life it's easy to just let it slide by and not really stop and appreciate how special every moment is. Laughing in the living room when A picks me up and tosses me over his shoulder, or tackles me on the ground and he and Grayson "tickle me", or when we do a crazy dance to try and make Grayson laugh...they're just tiny little 30 second moments in my day that pass in a flash and I easily forget about. So much of every day is full of laundry and picking up toys and cleaning up the high chair and wiping down the kitchen counters yet again, and trying to share my love and affection with a baby who demands it, a sadly neglected dog, and a husband who needs me. It's overwhelming and monotonous and can be stressful. But these beautiful, hilarious, sweet little moments every day add up to make one amazing life.

I'm at a point in life where I'm overwhelmed. I think if there were a word to sum up my life at this stage, that would be it. I'm trying to figure out balance. And it's tough. I'm trying to figure out how to be the best mama I can possibly be, while still being a good mama to my first little baby, Miss Addie Jane. And really, the hubs and I are practically still newlyweds. It will be three years next month. I'm definitely still trying (and failing miserably a lot) to figure out how to be a fantastic wife. I've got my freelance job that really only requires around 10-15 hours a week, but when I try to fit that in to a day full of everything else, I just feel...overwhelmed. I crave a routine that makes sense, that makes things easier, but apparently this time in my life just isn't meant for routine.

I still have so many things that I want to do. So desperately. I've always felt like I have some "calling" in my life, some big purpose. I think right now it's to be mama...but I know that I can't just be that. There's something inside of me that needs more. I want to touch lives. I want to save animals. I want to create beautiful things. I want to be healthy and fit and dear Lord how do moms find time to work out? I mean, really...how do you ladies do it all? I have one tiny child and I feel like every single day is just runningrunningrunning trying to get it all done before I collapse into bed at night, exhausted. Thank the good Lord above my child is a good sleeper, because the nights that he isn't I am a beast to deal with the next day. I need that time to recharge so I can get up and do it all again.

And I miss this space. I miss getting on here and just purging and spilling out all of my feelings and emotions. It's the thing that I think was the best for me from time to time, and now it's the thing that I have put on the very back burner and rarely even consider doing. I get so very little "me" time, and when I do I just kind of sit here and zone out. Or binge watch episodes of Vampire Diaries.

More than anything, I just feel so blessed. I know this probably seems like maybe a bit of a complaining post, but it's not. That's not what it is at all. Being overwhelmed and busy and pulled in so many directions and having so many people who want and need my affection is amazing. It's wonderful. It's the best thing ever. I'm struggling to figure out how to handle it all, but oh my goodness I'm so glad that this is what I get to handle. I was telling A the other day that every once in awhile I get smacked in the face with this crazy guilt, because I am so super freaking lucky to have the life that I do, and I didn't do anything to get it, really. I got lucky to be born into the family that I was, to have the security and opportunity and material things. I got lucky to meet him and to fall in love and to get married, and for him to end up being this crazy determined, hard-working, successful man (if you would have known him in college, you would see what I gamble I took ;) Ha, kidding babe). And I mean, I really hit the jackpot in the adorable, hilarious, sweet child department. My life is good. And I'm thankful.

So. I think I needed this. My random, unplanned, word-vomit of the month. If you're still here and still reading, bless you. And thank you.

Making Marriage Work

Marriage isn't easy. I'm sure you've heard that before, yes? But seriously, even if you're lucky enough (as I thankfully was) to marry your best friend who also happens to be a thoughtful, considerate man, it is still not easy. 

Arsen and I have been together for a little over five years now. We've certainly had our ups and downs, but for the most part I can honestly say that we have a pretty great relationship. I'm almost positive that any relationship between a man and a woman will have some conflict here and there, because let's be honest, we're basically different species. But we've figured out several important things that we focus on that make things work for us. 

Compromise

I'm pretty sure that in every relationship advice article ever written compromise is near the top of the list. But that's because it's so incredibly important. As I said before, men and women are different creatures. We think differently, we feel differently, we have different interests and different things that annoy us. Arsen and I make an effort to compromise almost daily. He helps me out around the house and with Grayson and I help him out while he's working insane hours at his job. I support his sports teams and he supports my shopping habit. Give and take, people. It works.

Talk It Out

I think this may be the most important thing in our relationship. Arsen and I discuss everything. If either of us is ever feeling overwhelmed, annoyed, unappreciated, etc., we talk about it. Thankfully we've been good at this since day one pretty much, and I think it has really been the key to us having such a successful relationship.

Share the Work

Now that I'm staying home with Grayson we have a more "traditional" situation going on. I typically do most of the housework and the cooking and the taking care of the baby, and Arsen works. However, Arsen still helps me out around the house a good deal. Even though he likes to joke around about me "not working", I think he realizes that I actually am working super hard every day raising our baby. So he'll help me cook, pick up the house, put Grayson to sleep, etc., anytime he sees that I need it. 

Laugh Together

It's so easy to get bogged down with the every day routine, that you fall into a pattern of get up-go to work-come home-cook dinner-watch TV-go to bed, rinse, repeat.  You can get so wrapped up in the monotony that you forget the reason that you got together in the first place. For Arsen and I, we got together in the beginning because we had so much fun together. Of course, laughing it up every day and having a blast was quite a bit easier when we were college kids with very little responsibility. But we still like to joke around and have fun as often as possible. If we feel like things are getting a little too serious or strained, then one of us will usually bring it up and make sure we get back to where we need to be.

Make Out

I'm totally serious. When you're in the early stages of a relationship you spend hours cuddling, kissing, holding hands, whatever. Then you get a couple of years into things and you can go days without actually taking the time to physically connect. I'm not talking about doing the deed (also important in a marriage), but actually making out like two kids in love. It takes you back to that silly, giddy feeling that you had in the beginning. So needed sometimes.

Now tell me: What are your keys to marriage (or relationship) success??

♥ Two Years ♥

Today Arsen and I celebrate two years of wedded bliss. If we're being real, of course it hasn't all been blissful, but there is without a doubt no one else out there that I'd rather be doing this whole marriage thing with. He's my best friend in the world, the person who can make me laugh like a lunatic over the most ridiculous things, the person who can infuriate me more than anyone else on this planet, the most thoughtful man in so many ways, the best dance partner ever, and the most wonderful daddy I could have hoped for for my little boy.

On the 19th of this month we will have been together for five years total. It's crazy to think that in just five years we've both graduated college, moved to Dallas, started our careers, gotten engaged, bought our first house, gotten married, gotten pregnant, and had a baby. That feels like a lot for just five years! I can't even imagine where we'll be five years from now.

So Happy Anniversary to the love of my life!!!

Thanks for working so hard for our little family, and for putting up with my sometimes spoiled, sometimes irrationally angry, sometimes needy ways. And also for helping me create the most gorgeous little baby I've ever seen in all my life. I adore you and you know it. 

That Man of Mine

Sometimes when I look at my life I wonder how things ended up the way they did. If you would have told me the first night that I saw Arsen (doing his Arsen dance on a stage surrounded by girls) that I would end up married to that guy, I would never have believed you. Of course I thought he looked like a lot of fun and I loved his faux-hawk, but marriage? No way. A baby? You must be kidding.

Even after we officially met and started dating, I thought for sure it was just a fun college thing. After it turned a little more serious I started thinking there was probably something there, something more long-term. But to look at us now, less than five years later, it blows my mind. 

But even though it seems crazy that things turned out this way, I wouldn't change a bit of it for anything in the world. He may drive me crazy sometimes when he leaves his socks laying in the living room or zones out while I'm telling him a story, but I can't imagine doing this marriage and babies thing with anyone else in the world. I'm one of the lucky ones who got the chance to marry my best friend, and no matter how mad he may make me, I know there is no one out there who would be a better fit for me. 

I'm so excited to see how our relationship changes and grows over the next little bit. I know bringing our baby boy into the world is going to be the most incredible, amazing, life-changing thing ever. And I can't wait to see Arsen as a dad. I know he will truly be the best.

And I'm thankful for the beginning. The days when I thought he was just a "friend", just someone to party with and act crazy with and laugh with. I'm so glad that we experienced a little bit of the insanity of college together. A time when the only thing we had to worry about was writing a paper or studying for a test, or what bar we were meeting all of our friends at that night. When we're old and gray we can look back on our memories and our photos and remember all the stupid, irresponsible things we did together. And say a little prayer that our children and grandchildren don't take after us in that aspect....

I truly look forward to every single thing to come in life knowing that I have this sweet, sweet man by my side. He makes every bit of life better for me, and I'm so thankful that he's mine.

Overwhelmed

I'm not one to write sappy posts about my hubs...it's just not my style. I adore him more than anything on the face of the earth, but I figure people don't really care to read about my undying love for him. Sometimes when I read blogs where girls are going on and on about their wonderful husband I want to be like, okay, we get it. He's great, blah blah. It almost seems like if you have to constantly mention how amazing someone is it makes it less special...or perhaps means that you are overcompensating for a void in your "real life" relationship.

BUT, sometimes I feel the need to give Arsen a little cyber-love. I gush about Addie and the little guy in my belly, but I don't really gush over Arsen. And sometimes I should.

 Just look at that pretty face he has!

I've been feeling super duper appreciative of him the past couple of days. When I got home from his sister's house on Sunday I walked into an amazingly clean house. Like, the entire downstairs was clean, and all of the laundry was done. When I thanked him he just said "I didn't want you to have to worry about it.". Simple as that, not looking for any recognition. He's also been wonderfully affectionate and sweet lately, and has been doing a whole lot of belly talking, which is just the cutest thing ever. Every night at some point he has a chat with "little man". So cute.

He also has scored major points lately by telling me how good I look with a belly. I think when I first starting showing it may have freaked him out just a teensy bit, but now he has totally embraced it. This morning when I was getting ready for work, hair all crazy, no make up, looking exhausted after a night of very little sleep, and wearing a too-small-for-pregnant-belly t-shirt, he gave me a big kiss and told me how beautiful I looked. Huh? I can see in that mirror in front of me, and that is not a pretty sight. But he genuinly seemed to mean it.

So simply for the fact that he is a man who knows how to make a pregnant girl feel good about herself, he deserves some love. And also, because one day not too long ago he had me look up this song you'll find right below here and said it captures exactly how he feels about me. He and I have never had a song, have never been the type to pick out mushy songs and say it's how we feel. I think that makes it all the more special to me, because I know there is something about this song that really means something to him.

So babe, if you stumble on over to the blog and happen to read this, keep up the good work. Being married to a silly, emotional girl who is growing rapidly before your eyes can't be easy, and you are handling it beautifully. I adore you, and I don't say it enough.

Goodbye First Trimester...I Won't Miss You

I'm absolutely overjoyed that I'm pregnant, don't get me wrong. I can't wait for the next seven months to fly by so I have a precious little baby to hold in my arms, and I feel so blessed that it happened so quickly for us. But there are definitely some things about the whole pregnancy experience that haven't exactly been wonderful.

Not Seeing Much of a Difference Yet :)

First of all, the entire first trimester I was nauseous. Like, literally 24 hours a day, if I wasn't asleep I was sick to my stomach. Eating was basically impossible. Nothing sounded good. Ever. Ever. I am normally someone who loves food more than just about anything in the world, so to not be able to enjoy food was torture. And if I finally found something that didn't make me want to throw up just by thinking about it, approximately three bites in to whatever it was I would get so sick that I had to stop eating. My doctor told me at my first appointment that I shouldn't gain any weight during the first trimester at all, and let me tell you, it wasn't an issue. I was basically just eating enough to get by.

On top of that, oh my goodness the exhaustion. I've been tired before, even exhausted here and there, but I have never, ever felt fatigue like I felt the past three months. Getting up in the morning (feeling nauseous) and trying to get motivated to get up and go was nearly impossible. Sitting at my desk all day and staying awake was a struggle. And the minute I got home from work I was in my sweats, on my couch, laying. Just laying. All. Night. Long.

And the most annoying of all pregnancy traits...the constant urge to pee. Maybe it's TMI, but good Lord, are you kidding? I've always heard about this, but until you experience it you can't even imagine. Almost every hour on the hour at work I have to get up and go. And when I have to go, it is with an urgency that I have never experienced before. It just hits me all of the sudden and I have to find a bathroom like NOW. And the very most annoying part of it all is that I have to interrupt my precious, precious sleep to go. For about a month there I was literally getting up three to four times a night, every single night. It's been better the past couple of weeks, but last night I did get up at 12:00, 3:00, 6:00, and then practically ran to the bathroom when I got up at 9:30.

Probably the most annoying thing for the husband to deal with has been the intense mood swings. Some days I am just as happy as can be. I feel elated, like life is so incredibly fabulous that I'm the luckiest girl alive. Fifteen minutes later I might be crying over something I saw on TV, like an X Factor audition or an episode of Grey's Anatomy. And God forbid Arsen say something that I take offense to: I literally didn't realize how mad at another human being I could be. I get mad with an intensity that makes me think if I weren't a rational person I might just stab him with a steak knife. I'm constantly convinced that he's mad at me for something, that he's not being supportive, that he doesn't care that I'm going through this physical torture for HIS baby.

One evening I asked him what was wrong, why he was being so quiet? He had the audacity to respond with something along the lines of "Well, you've been complaining so much I haven't really had a chance to say anything."

Really.

The fury that was unleashed from deep within me was literally unlike anything I've experienced. I got up, walked to the kitchen, and immediately came back in, spewing hateful words so quickly that I couldn't even form a thought before they came out. "Are you (censored) kidding me???? Seriously?? I am growing a human being here! If I want to complain about how (censored) awful that makes me feel, I have every right to! You had one job! ONE! And now you get to sit back and relax for 10 months while I am (censored) MISERABLE! If I want to complain, you don't say a WORD. Not a WORD." And I proceeded to storm out of the room, get in the shower, and think of all the ways I wanted to physically harm him, and what I would be saying when I got out. I had a pretty intense lecture prepared. Lucky for him, he was smart enough to get in bed and fall asleep (or fake sleep) before I got out. So I just had to go to bed fuming. And when I woke up, the entire situation was quite hilarious. As it still is.


So now that I am officially in the second trimester, I'm looking forward to the next three months, which I hear will be glorious compared to the last three, and the final three. In the next few weeks I'm hoping that my belly starts to pop out a little, because I'm currently at the stage where it just looks like I've been eating more than usual. My pants are too tight, but not so bad that I need maternity pants, so I'm just really in that in between phase. I'm also hoping that the hormonal outbursts lessen somewhat, but from what I've heard I shouldn't get my hopes up. So maybe say a little prayer for Arsen's sanity if you think of it :)

We Made It!

One year of marriage down, 70+ to go. It seems a little surreal that an entire year has passed since the day I walked down the aisle and became Mrs. A.. In the past year I have learned so much about what it takes to be a wife and a true partner, and I have to say.....we are definitely still learning. But this year has been one of the most amazing, most exciting, and most wonderful of my life. I'm so incredibly happy that I've been lucky enough to find someone who makes me laugh every single day, and who is truly the best friend and partner a girl could hope for. Happy one year babe! Here's to many, many more.

Honeymoon in Mexico

After our insanely fun wedding, we got up and headed to the airport bright and early at 5 AM the next day. One aspect of the wedding that I was completely hands-off was the honeymoon. I left that 100% in Arsen's hands, and he actually did a phenomenal job.

We stayed at an all inclusive resort in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. It was absolutely the best thing we have ever done. Ever. It was gorgeous, relaxing, and absolutely everything we could have ever wanted in a honeymoon.

The first night when we got in we just walked around on the beach, then had dinner and drinks and went to bed pretty early. An all night dance party and then getting up so early in the morning will exhaust you. Especially after eleven months of stressful wedding planning. So that next day we got up and had our lovely little breakfast in the room, then went out to lay on the beach....and we had no idea what to do with ourselves. After months and months of non-stop stress and busybusybusy, laying on a beach and trying to relax was nearly impossible. We both felt a little uneasy and jittery, almost like there was something else we were supposed to be doing. Luckily, by the second day we had the hang of it.

I literally took a nap every single day that we were there. We would get up, have breakfast in the room, go to the beach, float around the lazy river, come back, shower, lay around and watch crime shows like CSI (for some reason that was the only thing ever playing in English), I would nap, then we would get ready for dinner and drinks. Some nights there was a show, some nights we went to the little bars they had. It was amaaazing.

When I look back on our week in Mexico now I just get a little sad and nostalgic. Seriously, I don't know of a more relaxing time in my life. I also don't know why we didn't plan an identical trip for our first anniversary. I'm sure our road trip to Austin and San Antonio is going to be tons of fun, but....it won't be laying on a gorgeous in a bikini drinking a dirty martini. 

So with that, I'm saying goodbye for a few days. We are heading out today for our anniversary road trip. I'll be back next weekend on a more regular basis. Hope everyone has a fabulous week! 

 

Our Wedding Day, Part II

Read Part I Here

When I heard the first notes of the song I chose to walk down the aisle to (Chantal Kreviazuk, Feels Like Home), I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold it together. The moment my dad and I turned the corner and started walking down the aisle I started crying. I kept taking deep breathes to try and stop myself, but I was just so completely overwhelmed with emotion that it didn't exactly work. I saw all of my wonderful family and friends looking at me with the sweetest looks on their faces, and then I saw my incredibly handsome groom there at the end of the aisle, smiling his beautiful, big smile at me. It was just what I had always hoped it would be. 

Our ceremony was short and sweet. Of course we wanted to exchange vows and and make all of those lovely promises to one another, but to be honest the part of the wedding we were most looking forward to was the reception. We couldn't wait to celebrate with our friends and family, and it was truly the biggest, most wonderful celebration I could have hoped for.

The food (from what I remember of the the two bites I took) was wonderful. I honestly don't think I even tried everything, but everyone else said it was delicious. The venue was positively gorgeous. The drinks were great, the music was perfect, and everyone was in such a great mood. I really wouldn't have changed a single thing about it. 

After doing all of the traditional reception business like cutting the cake, throwing the garter and bouquet, and our best man and maid of honor giving such sweet speeches, it was time for the real party. And oh my goodness was it fun. Everyone was dancing, from my grandmother, to our friends, all the way down to Arsen's nephews, who actually stole the show. Arsen has always been a great dancer (it's one of the things that first got my attention), and obviously it runs in the family. I have never laughed so hard as I did watching those crazy boys cut loose. 

We probably danced for a solid three hours. Several drinks were spilled, glasses were broken, and people got a little crazy from time to time, but it was absolutely the most fun night I've ever had. One of the people at the venue said they had never seen anything like it....it seriously was a non-stop dance party. Just like we hoped it would be. We had a blast, our family had a blast, and our friends talked about the fact that it was the best wedding they'd ever been to for months after. 

So all of the stress, all of the miserable planning, all of the arguments and trying to please everyone....it was all worth it. I can look back on that night as truly the best night of my life. I married my best friend in the world, and I got to celebrate that with everyone I love the most. It doesn't get any better than that.