18 Months

Grayson at 18 months is my favorite Grayson yet. I know, I know, I say the same thing every single time, but seriously, this guy is just the best ever. He's hilarious, and smart, and sweet, and surprising me every day with things he knows how to do that I wonder where he even learned them. He's just so fun.

At the same time, this Grayson is exhausting in a completely different way than stay-up-until-midnight-screaming-at-the-top-of-his-lungs Grayson was. This Grayson is independent. And determined. And impatient. And easily frustrated. And loud. And tantrum-y. Oh, the tantrums. We have started with time-outs in response to all of the crazy behavior. And they are effective, although at this point he doesn't seem to retain the lesson for long. But from everything I'm reading, he's pretty much exactly like every other 18 month old on the planet.
It's so funny how overnight it seems like he is a totally different boy. It's like he learns things in his sleep or something. He is talking so much, although I'm quite sure only those of us who see him every can really understand him for the most part. I started counting up the words he says consistently on a regular basis, and I got to 50 before I stopped. He's chatty, that's for sure. He also just started putting two words together, like "Addie ball" when Addie was taking his ball the other day...so he officially tattled on her already. He's running, attempting to do somersaults (although he needs help with this),  playing "buhball" (football - which consists of running, squatting down, then diving on the floor), feeding himself with a fork or spoon, drinking from a cup (still lots of usually intentional spills), and just being an all around independent little man.

He's getting much better about playing by himself, although he's honestly pretty much attached to me all day. Every once in awhile I'll get about 10 minutes where he'll entertain himself, but the rest of the time it's the mommy show around here. Makes getting things around the house done a challenge, but I'm learning to relax a little in that area. He's really into stacking his blocks right now, and can get them up to six high. He also "counts" with me when he does it. He skips one, but chimes in with "ooh - eee - ooor - iiiv!" I mean, at least he knows what sounds are coming, right? He also knows when we spell his name and when we are done will say "Gaygan!!!" which is obviously his form of Grayson. He sings for us a lot, and dances alllllll the time.
He is really a funny kid, and he's figuring out what to do for a laugh...and then he will do it many, many times. Really, anything repetitive is loads of fun right now. High fives, fist bumps, doing a "cheers" with his glass, putting toys into something then taking them out - he will do it over and over and over again. He loves to push me down onto my back, fall on top of me, then pull me back up by my hand. Seriously, we do this numerous times a day.

He still loves to be outside, and is perfectly content when we take a long walk around the neighborhood with him in his stroller. He has really loved spending time at Papaw's barn lately, which I know is making my dad insanely happy. When we walk Addie he has to hold her "eesh" (leash) or it's cause for a full on meltdown.

Speaking of meltdowns, nothing gets him going like not being able to "rive", which means drive. He likes to stand in the front seat and hold on to the steering wheel, turn the music up to where it could bust our eardrums, and sway back and forth. He'll mess with some knobs and buttons, turn the music up and down, and generally have the time of his life. If, God forbid, we don't let him do this before putting him in his car seat, it is unlike anything I've ever experienced. The screams. The writhing. The kicking. The tears. It's un. real.
As far as eating and sleeping, he's pretty awesome. He'll eat just about anything I give him, and veggies are actually his favorite. Broccoli, peas, and green beans (or bahki, peas, and bebeans) are probably his favorite foods right now, aside from pasta, soup from his grandma (A's mom), smoothies (smoovies) that his Nana makes him, and the occasional bites of sugar he gets. We just stopped breast feeding about a week ago, and I think we were both ready. The transition has been perfect. We were doing once a day, bedtime only, for about a month, so it was easy to stop.

He goes to sleep around 8 every night, and wakes up anywhere from 6:30-7:30. I put him down in his crib, but he ends up in our room after a few hours every night. I'm totally fine with it, I'll take all the good cuddles while I can get 'em. He's down to one nap a day, around noon, and it last 30-45 minutes. I feel like I was promised a 2-3 hour nap once we switched to one a day, and I feel cheated. Not pleased.

I realize this information is absolutely worthless to anyone but me, but to be honest I'm doing this because I know I'll never remember it all. All of the things that are oh so important to me right now will someday just slip right out of my brain. I always want to remember what a crazy little man he was, how freaking precious and sweet and ornery he was. He's just absolutely perfect to me, as infuriating as he can be at times. I feel like time is passing so very fast, and before I know it he'll be starting kindergarten and this will all be a memory.
Geez. I almost got myself with that one. Tears. Right on the verge. Basically I'm obsessed and in love and can't believe how quickly it's all going, and I want to freeze time, even when I want to speed it up and get to nap time so I can sit down for three minutes and inhale some lunch before he wakes back up. I'm so glad he's mine, and I'm his, and I love how obsessed with me he is and I think I've officially succeeded at turning him into a mama's boy, which can come back to bite me from time to time. But I mean really, I wouldn't have it any other way. 

*This video is one of a million that I have, but it is seriously one of my favorites. I think it captures his cute little personality so well, and well...I just think it's freaking adorable. Enjoy. 

"So, What's Your Blog About?"

Anytime people find out that I have a blog, however it happens to randomly make it's way into conversation, this is naturally their first question. And my response is usually something along the lines of "Well, it's kind of just about my life. Like, just whatever is going on, really. I mean, I guess it's kind of a mommy blog more than anything else right now, but I like to write humorous stuff, sometimes about home decor or crafty stuff...yeah, so I don't really know?"

By that point they're just kind of staring at me blankly with a vague smile, nodding like, why did I ask? But honestly, I don't know what my blog is about. It's about whatever I want it to be that day. Some days I'm feeling really sappy and I want to write about how much I love my son and my husband and my dog and my home and blah blah blah. Sometimes I want to write about something funny that happened. Sometimes I want to write about books I've read, or experiences I've had, or my adventures in trying to decorate my home. I'm all over the place. And I kind of think that's fine.

This obviously isn't a money making blog. This is just a place for me to pour out my heart. I'm not a super emotional girl for the most part, but I've learned that I need this outlet. Sharing my thoughts and worries and dreams with however many readers around the world that I happen to have may seem odd to some, but for me it's what works. I think it's my form of therapy. That I share with whoever's listening. You're welcome.

So I'm not sure what my answer should be when I'm asked that question. I should probably work out a quick, easy answer, but for now I guess I'll just keep mumbling whatever happens to fall out of my mouth and hope for the best. My blog is a representation of who I am at my core, and that person just happens to be all over the place, with a zillion interests, a zillion dreams for life, and the hope that I can do it all. And do it well. I think that's what this blog is. I hope that works. 

I Heart Weekends

Even though I'm "technically" a SAHM, there's just something about weekends that make me happy. Probably because A is free from work and we can do whatever we want whenever we want...as long as it's baby friendly and is over before 8 pm. Wild and crazy times, let me tell ya.

However, this weekend we did not have to follow those strict guidelines, because mama left her baby overnight for the first time EVER. Seventeen and a half months later, I finally spent a night without that sweet baby cuddled up beside me. (Yes, he still sleeps in our bed, it's totally fine, mmmmmk?)

So let's discuss my fab weekend of freedom, yes?

On Friday the husband took a half day off work and we went to Dallas to meet up with his siblings and their spouses for lunch at Perry's Steakhouse. It was seriously absolutely amazing. We'd neither one ever been, but apparently they're sort of famous for their pork chops. That is something that I literally would never ever consider ordering, but his sister ordered for us and that's what we got. And it was so good. So, so good. My mouth is watering a little bit right now actually...

After that we made the horrendous mistake of going to the mall. A trip to the mall might be the thing that causes our marriage to crash and burn. I, obviously, love shopping. It's one of my favorite pastimes. I could do it for hours upon hours. I enjoy browsing, taking my time leisurely strolling around the store, even if I don't need anything. A likes to get in and get out. He'll find a shirt, grab it, pay, and be back to the car in approximately seven minutes. So you can imagine how well we do shopping together.

Once that catastrophe was over, we made it home and enjoyed a quiet evening of TV and horribly unhealthy food. Since we were so full from lunch A had cheesecake and I had a red velvet bundt cake. That was our dinner. It was pretty heavenly.

Anyway, on to the good stuff. Let me explain to you the reason I left my infant (not really at all) child at home. Our good friends Melissa and Donnie were getting married in Dallas. We live about 30-45 minutes outside of Dallas, depending on traffic. We both wanted to be able to enjoy ourselves (aka drink) and we are much too intelligent to drink and drive. So quite awhile ago we decided that we would just get a hotel and this would be my first night away. So I've had time to prepare. But I was still a little emotional about it.

My mom kept Grayson for the night, and luckily she knows his routine and he's so comfortable with her that it doesn't phase him if we're gone. She said he was perfectly fine the entire time. On Sunday morning he was asking about us, just looking at her and saying "Mommy? Dada?", but never really all that concerned. Talk about relief!

I actually handled it like a champ myself. I was a little concerned I would become slightly inebriated and emotional and end up crying about how much I missed him, but I didn't! I had a freaking blast, and it actually felt so good to just be myself again. I mean, obviously I talked about Grayson to pretty much everyone I spoke to - but most of the time it was because they brought him up! We drank, we danced, we laughed, we stayed out until almost 2 AM...it was so much fun. Then we woke up around 8, packed up, went to Starbucks, where I walked in with big hair, sunglasses, and probably looking as if I was hit by a bus, and made it home to see that sweet bebe.
Too busy having fun to take pics. This is it. And I stole this one.

THEN, I spent most of the day Sunday out with my mom celebrating her birthday! We went to downtown McKinney, which is this adorable little town square with shops and restaurants. We had lunch and walked around the shops for a few hours...finally, someone who will wander aimlessly around stores and enjoy it with me! After that, we went to see Gone Girl. Umm, I loved it. I haven't read the book, so I had almost zero idea what it was about. And it blew my effing MIND. I mean. I don't even know. If you've seen it or read the book you know. I just. I don't know why, but I loved it and now I'm dying to take hubsy* back to see it with me. Anyway, my mom and I don't get a lot of time just the two of us. Usually we have a little 17 month old tag along wherever we go, so it was really nice to have a fun girls day.

Next weekend, Sunday, is actually my birthday. My 30th, to be exact. So there's that.

Honestly, 30 doesn't seem to be effecting me much. I feel a little bit like my youth is over, but I think the whole having a baby thing really sealed the deal on that one, so I'm not too broken up over that. I always hear that your thirties are a pretty amazing decade for most people, so...yeah. Hopefully that's true.

Hope you guys had a pretty phenomenal weekend yourselves. Fingers crossed we all make it through the week and are enjoying the next weekend before we know it. Just a few more days!

*BTW, I'm sorry about saying hubsy. Now that I can't use his name, I'm really running out of things to call him. A is confusing because it looks like I'm starting a sentence about something totally different and then you realize it's his "name" and I don't know. So I'm sorry, that was terrible and I'll try to do better. 

Being Mommy is Hard Sometimes

When you start talking about being a mom, things can go in a million different directions. Those of us who are lucky enough to have the title know that it's a complicated thing. In a day I feel so many emotions that I question my sanity. I am overjoyed, amused, frustrated, infatuated, annoyed, so in love that my heart might burst, and so exhausted that I might scream.
A little over a year ago I posted about how motherhood is the toughest job I've ever had. This still holds true. I've heard people say it shouldn't be considered a job, and you should never compare it to one, but to be honest? Some days it feels like work. Really, really, exhausting, hard, emotionally, physically, and mentally draining work. Maybe I shouldn't admit that, but it's true.

At the same time, there isn't a job in the world that could fulfill me the way that being a mother does. Some women choose not to have children and are 100% content and fulfilled with a career or a passion or a marriage or whatever it might be. For me, motherhood is that thing. Everyone has their own thing, and I think that's wonderful and beautiful. If you aren't called to be a mother, then you just aren't. No shame, no judgment, no holier-than-though attitude. I have friends who don't want babies, and they are amazing people. I don't know why it turns into an "us versus them" thing so often. I don't know why some people feel the need to downplay motherhood, to act as if it's something you shouldn't be proud of. I'm incredibly proud. I'm proud that I'm shaping this little boy into what will hopefully someday be an amazing, respectful, kind, honest, reliable man. I'm proud that I gave up so much to do that, that it consumes my life. I made that choice, and I don't think I should ever feel like that makes me "less than", just like not having children will never make anyone else "less than".

But motherhood is absolutely something that no job, no training, no nothing in the world could prepare you for. The lengths that you will go to for your child, the sacrifices that you will make, the giving of yourself - I honestly didn't know I had it in me. Some days I question if I do.

Some days, when Grayson doesn't sleep well, or he throws tantrum after tantrum, or the house is a disaster and it seems like all I do is clean and clean and clean...on those days, I feel so drained that I think I might not be able to push through. But then I scoop him up in my arms, cuddle him on the couch, give him a million kisses until he giggles, and I make it through. I reach deep down inside myself and I find that all-consuming love that fills me up and makes the tiredness and the frustration and the fear that I'm losing myself to mommy-hood begin to fade away. There is nothing that can compare to the way I love my son. There just isn't.

So no matter how hard it may be, no matter how tired I may get, no matter how badly I think I just need a break....it's so worth it. I would do it over and over and over again, a million times. I would gladly give up the free time, the TV watching, the book reading, the going out with friends, the lounging around on Sundays, the sleeping in, the trips out of town, the date nights whenever we want them, the career, the time to work out, the time to do anything other than be mommy. Because even though I desperately need those things from time to time, I desperately need to keep a sense of who I am when I'm not mommy....mommy is who I am. It doesn't matter where I am, what I'm doing, how far away I may be. I will always and forever be his mommy, first and foremost. It is so deep within me that it consumes who I am. Motherhood is a sacrifice in a million ways. I discover that more and more all the time.

So yes, it's hard. Yes, it is a challenge. Yes, some days I count down the hours until bedtime. But it's the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my entire life. And I'm not sorry for that.