Well, it's official. Something I never truly thought would happen has happened. I popped out a baby, fell madly in love, and decided it would be the end of the world if I had to leave that precious boy for hours upon hours every day to go to work. There were tears. There was anguish. There were many, many discussions with my unbelievably supportive husband. And then a decision was made. And I'm now a stay at home mom.

My mom stayed home with me from day one, and I honestly believe that my childhood and teenage years were greatly improved by having her there with me. In the back of my mind I think I have always hoped I would have the chance to stay home with my babies, but it wasn't something I wanted to admit. Before I even got pregnant Arsen and I talked about the possibility of me staying home, and he made it pretty clear that he didn't think it was necessary. Or financially smart. In his mind, why would we give up my salary when most of that money could go into savings every month and give us a lot of cushion. So it was pretty much a given that I would continue working. Then I got pregnant and it wasn't even that much of a discussion. I just knew I would go back to work after my maternity leave.

And then we went and visited several daycare centers in the area. And they were so super nice and clean and safe and great. And the kids looked happy, and the workers were friendly for the most part. And we went home at the end of the day and I cried and cried and cried. I had a full on meltdown about how I didn't think I could mentally or emotionally handle leaving my sweet, sweet baby every single day for strangers to care for him for 10 hours while I worked. I would miss out on the majority of his waking hours. Someone else would most likely witness his first words, his first steps, his first everything. It made me feel physically sick just thinking about it.

So we had several discussions. And honestly, after visiting those perfectly lovely daycares, Arsen had a change of heart and said he wanted me to stay home. The guy who had always told me it was unrealistic to even think I could stay home, who said not everyone has the opportunity to stay home and I needed to just face those facts...he decided it was worth giving up that extra income in order for me to be home with our boy.

Even though the thought of returning to work felt like someone was ripping my heart out, it was still a very, very hard decision. My job was honestly very fulfilling, it gave me a sense of purpose, I really enjoyed my co-workers, and it was turning in a more creative direction that I was really excited about. I also couldn't imagine myself without a job. Without a place to go every single day, a to-do list to check off, and a sense of accomplishment that came along with just being a contributing member of society.

To be honest, I still am struggling with things a bit. My days are completely full of baby-care, and I'm having a hard time trying not to lose myself into all of that. I'm the type of person who needs something to do every day. I need to feel like I've accomplished something. So when my entire day is wrapped up in all of the amazing things that come with being a stay at home mommy, like cuddling my sweet baby, rocking him to sleep, playing with him, watching him learn new things, singing to him and telling him stories...when that is what I do all day and I have no time to really "accomplish" anything that I can mark off a list...I have a hard time in convincing myself that I'm contributing. I'm not bringing in money, I'm not working toward it's different.

But I know that I'm incredibly, amazingly, ridiculously blessed to be able to stay home. Millions of women probably wish that they had the opportunity to stay home with their babies. I honestly don't think that I could function at work anymore...I just can't imagine not being with him. And I know so, so many people don't have this opportunity. I'm completely overjoyed that this is my life now. But I still feel the need to validate what I am doing. I'm assuming this is just part of the whole mommy thing, and I'm sure it will be an adjustment. Overall, I'm just trying to soak up every moment of delicious baby-ness and remind myself what a lucky, lucky lady I am.


  1. Girlfriend you are so lucky. The day I went back to work was without a doubt the hardest day of my life and I continue to hate it every single day. And you are DEFINITELY contributing to your family and society by raising an amazing little man. :)

  2. You are sooo lucky! I secretly hope this turns out to be my "fate" when my husband I finally get pregnant. We're trying!

  3. I am so proud of you girl! Being a SAHM can't be easy. My last day of work is next Wednesday and then I am officially staying at home... wish we lived close!

  4. Congrats Celeste! I'm so happy for you. I know the courage it takes to leave your job and make that decision. It's been 4 years and I still can't find the strength to say good bye to my job. It breaks my heart. I do have a feeling I'll be joining you as a SAHM before the year ends, though. So, ya wanna start an online biz together? ;)

  5. I feel the same exact way that you do/did. We haven't even visited a daycare and I've already lost it a few times. We have a huge decision to make and lots of things to shuffle around but I'm praying that I can stay home, too. Enjoy these days with that precious baby!

  6. I couldn't agree more! I have been so blessed to be able to stay home with my now 2 year old son. I just always knew that that would be what I want (and need) to do. The days can be long, and they can be hard but it is the most rewarding work I have ever done. :)


  7. That is so great! You ARE contributing to society. You are raising a little boy who will one day grow up to a be a man, a husband, a father, and an employee. That is a huge responsibility. Your story sounds just like mine. I struggled with that decision until the day before I was supposed to go back to work at the bank. Never looked back. You and I have a lot in common. Why weren't we friends back in school? :) I enjoy reading your blog.

  8. congratulations and welcome to the club!
    I had always planned on staying home but when it came time to actually quit my job, suddenly it was a lot harder than I thought it would be! I had to work for a few months (since I was a teacher, I needed to finish the school year) and it was agonizing leaving my baby every day! While I still sometimes miss my job, it's so worth it to be with my kids and watch them learn and grow- and know it's ME they're learning from, not some "stranger" at a daycare. It was hard to adjust to my new identity, and since it's not the most popular thing right now, I still get those judge-y comments. People always ask my husband, "But...what does your wife DO?" They think I'm lazy, HA.

  9. I wish we lived closer to each other so we could have playdates! I'm staying home with Elliott but I definitely know what you mean about needing to feel like you are contributing. But we are...we are raising future contributing members of society :)


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