Life is Funny

This past week was....something. I'm not really sure what. Parts of it were amazing, parts of it were so super tough, and other parts were just kind of...nothing special.

On Thursday I worked from home and just had a really tough day. I feel like the days I decide to work here usually somehow end up being the most stressful. There was some minor catastrophe that resulted in email after email coming in and things that weren't easily resolved while not in the office. I got overwhelmed and frustrated (thanks preggo hormones) and by the time my lunch break rolled around I decided I just needed to go take a shower and cry it out. So I did.

When I got out of the shower I was feeling a bit better. I checked my phone to see what time it was and I had a couple of messages from Arsen. And they were interesting. They were informing me that he was most likely being put on a new project, which is wonderful news. He works on a type of contract basis, so he's been in between projects. Still technically working, but he definitely feels more secure when he's on an actual project. What wasn't so great was the fact that the message also said this particular project will require travel. Starting this Sunday.

I text him and asked him to please call me, and when he did that was basically all he knew. Travel would be required four days a week, every week for at least the first three weeks. And then after that it would be a little more sporadic. Normally this would suck because I love my husband and am a big baby and want him to be with me all the time. Right now this goes beyond sucking because I am 8 months pregnant as of next Wednesday and slightly terrified that I might go in to labor while he is a three hour plane ride away. When we got off the phone I lost it. Bawled my eyes out for probably a solid 20 minutes.

Today we found out he will in fact be on that project, which I should mention is an amazing career opportunity for him that will most likely propel him into some great things in the future. Like I said, some of this week was great. But I also now have the huge fear of him being gone when Baby A decides to make his grand entrance. Aren is constantly reminding me that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out for the best, and I believe him...but that doesn't make the crappy parts any easier to deal with.

I realize a lot of women have husbands who travel, and who miss the birth of their babies....I mean, look at military wives. I don't know how they do it. But in my mind Arsen and I have been in on this thing 100% together. He hasn't missed a single doctor's appointment, and I have known the minute I go into labor he will be the calm steady voice telling me everything will be okay and that I can do this, and sharing in every amazing, terrifying, incredible moment of the entire experience. When I think about the possibility of him missing out on that and me having to do it by myself...I seriously go into panic mode. I know my mom is here and his mom is nearby and they would both be there to help me, but we all know that's not the same. In that moment I know I'll want my best friend, the guy who makes me feel safe and like all is right in the world, who can calm me down like no one else and make me laugh in tense situations.

So I'm crossing my fingers, saying my prayers, wishing on stars...basically anything I can do to make the universe say okay, he'll be there. I know this is a huge blessing for our family and it's going to make our lives so much easier and so much better....so I'm trying to embrace the good and forget the bad. Not always easy, but oh so necessary.

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Ouch...My Brain

I literally have become unable to shut my brain off. It is absurd, and slightly annoying. I've known it's bad for awhile, but yesterday I realized how bad it truly is. I had my monthly prenatal massage (ahhhh heaven) and the entire time my mind was racing with what I needed to do when I got home, what I need to do over the next few days, ideas I have for several different areas from business to baby to blogging....I literally could not just lay there and relax.

I've started feeling guilty anytime I am doing anything slightly enjoyable or frivolous, like watching TV without working at the same time or reading blogs. I feel like I'm just wasting my time away. On Friday I typed out a to-do list for things I want to have done before baby arrives, and it was nearly 50 things right off the top of my head. I've thought of probably 20 more since then.

This is going to seem random, but it ties in I swear.

A couple of weeks ago I went to this Go Red for Women Luncheon in Dallas for the American Heart Association. Laura Bush was the keynote speaker and it was actually a very cool event. Michaels had a table and I was randomly one of the 10 ladies who got to attend with our CMO. Anyway, I learned a lot about heart disease during the breakout sessions that we attended, and it's shocking how many women die of heart disease every year.

Something one of the doctors mentioned really resonated with me, because it makes SO much sense. Women take on so much every single day that they neglect taking care of themselves. They often ignore symptoms that they might have because they "don't have time". Women not only have careers, they have husbands, and children, and homes to take care of, and dinners to cook, and school functions to attend....the list goes on and on and on. It's no wonder that women are constantly stressed out and making themselves sick.

What woman can't relate to that? I literally never stop thinking about what needs to be done. I honestly have a running list of to-do's in my brain at all times. And what's crazy is how incredibly different men are. Arsen is SUCH a hard worker, a great provider, a wonderful husband, and super helpful around the house. But he literally can just stop worrying about things if he wants. He can just put the to-do list out of his mind. From what I've seen and heard, all men are the same.

I'm determined to figure out a way to keep my sanity and get organized and stay on top of it all. How I will do that, I have no idea. But there has to be a way. Any of you experienced wives/mommies/career women have any advice for me? I'll be forever grateful if you'll share...no but really.