On Thursday I worked from home and just had a really tough day. I feel like the days I decide to work here usually somehow end up being the most stressful. There was some minor catastrophe that resulted in email after email coming in and things that weren't easily resolved while not in the office. I got overwhelmed and frustrated (thanks preggo hormones) and by the time my lunch break rolled around I decided I just needed to go take a shower and cry it out. So I did.
I text him and asked him to please call me, and when he did that was basically all he knew. Travel would be required four days a week, every week for at least the first three weeks. And then after that it would be a little more sporadic. Normally this would suck because I love my husband and am a big baby and want him to be with me all the time. Right now this goes beyond sucking because I am 8 months pregnant as of next Wednesday and slightly terrified that I might go in to labor while he is a three hour plane ride away. When we got off the phone I lost it. Bawled my eyes out for probably a solid 20 minutes.
Today we found out he will in fact be on that project, which I should mention is an amazing career opportunity for him that will most likely propel him into some great things in the future. Like I said, some of this week was great. But I also now have the huge fear of him being gone when Baby A decides to make his grand entrance. Aren is constantly reminding me that everything happens for a reason and that it will all work out for the best, and I believe him...but that doesn't make the crappy parts any easier to deal with.
I realize a lot of women have husbands who travel, and who miss the birth of their babies....I mean, look at military wives. I don't know how they do it. But in my mind Arsen and I have been in on this thing 100% together. He hasn't missed a single doctor's appointment, and I have known the minute I go into labor he will be the calm steady voice telling me everything will be okay and that I can do this, and sharing in every amazing, terrifying, incredible moment of the entire experience. When I think about the possibility of him missing out on that and me having to do it by myself...I seriously go into panic mode. I know my mom is here and his mom is nearby and they would both be there to help me, but we all know that's not the same. In that moment I know I'll want my best friend, the guy who makes me feel safe and like all is right in the world, who can calm me down like no one else and make me laugh in tense situations.
So I'm crossing my fingers, saying my prayers, wishing on stars...basically anything I can do to make the universe say okay, he'll be there. I know this is a huge blessing for our family and it's going to make our lives so much easier and so much better....so I'm trying to embrace the good and forget the bad. Not always easy, but oh so necessary.