Today Grayson is two weeks old, and I cannot believe how quickly time is flying by. The past two weeks have gone by in a blur of smiles, lack of sleep, cute baby noises, and tears (happy and sad/stressed). The tears have been both mine and Grayson's.
I remember reading once that every day as a mother you will feel like you've failed. And let me tell you, with the hormones and the few hours of sleep and the tiny baby that I am completely responsible for keeping healthy and happy and safe, I feel that fear of failure creeping up on me almost daily. Even though I know I'm learning and it's all going to take some time to figure out, sometimes I feel like I'm doing a terrible job. But I'm doing the best I can, and for a first time mama with very little previous experience, I think I'm doing okay.
One thing I know I'm succeeding in is loving this little fella. My heart is so full of love for him that sometimes I feel like it could explode. I never doubted that I would love him, but I did wonder if it would take awhile to feel that mother-son connection. It didn't. Every time I look at him, I feel a connection with him unlike anything I've ever experienced. It's like I've known him forever. It's official: I'm obsessed.
I'm also already doing that typical "mom" thing, where I think he's the smartest, most adorable, most advanced baby in the world. He's been holding his head up for several seconds since pretty much day one, but now he's pushing off of us when we hold him and looking around. He holds eye contact so well...it's like he's looking deep into your soul. He furrows his brow all the time, and it makes it seem like he's deep in thought. He also has started smiling all of the time, which is the absolute most precious thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Sometimes in his sleep he will get the biggest grin on his face, where all his top gums show, and give a little giggle. Be still my heart. So sweet I can hardly stand it.
Overall, life is pretty much bliss at this point. Of course we are sleep deprived, I feel like I'm making all kinds of rookie mistakes, I worry about every single thing that happens...but it's amazing. Arsen is literally the very BEST husband and father I could have ever hoped he would be. Even though he has to get up and work every single day, he will still get up in the middle of the night to change a diaper or help me out if I need it. He is constantly telling Grayson how much he loves him, and he is making me feel like I'm the most amazing mother around. He's always reassuring me that I'm doing a wonderful job and that Grayson is so lucky to have me. He's also been great about telling me how good I look. Anyone who has had a baby know how incredibly needed those words can be.
Thank you again to everyone for all the sweet comments...I truly intend to respond to every one of them, but by the time I've fed the baby, changed him, put him to sleep and done one or two things around the house....it's time to start it all over again! Eventually I hope to be back to blogging regularly. Surely we'll get some kind of routine down before too long.