On Friday morning, Arsen got up earlier than normal, showered, and came back to bed to cuddle with me for a few minutes before I had to get up and get ready for work. We were laying in bed chatting about the baby, he had his hand on my belly and was feeling him kick, and it was all very sweet. I reached down to the foot of the bed and pulled Addie up to join in on the cuddling, and it was this perfect little cheesy moment of happiness for me. I had my love and my little baby dog and my boy kicking around in my belly. And then I started getting a little sad.
Addie will always be my first "baby". I've gone on and on about how nervous I am about how much her little life is going to change when baby boy arrives, and the closer we get the more I worry. As we laid there talking, I started telling Arsen a bit about how concerned I am.
Arsen is Addie's world. She loves her mama, don't get me wrong, but I'm more the one she wants at night when she's sleepy and she wants to curl up in a warm lap, or who she wants when she's feeling sick and needs to cuddle. She comes to me for food and love, and I'm perfectly happy with that arrangement. But her dad...man oh man does she love him. If she wants to play, he's her guy. And when it gets to be the time of night when he should be getting home from work she seems to sense it and she starts watching the back door.
Right now, anytime Arsen or I come home Addie runs to the door and jumps around and wags her tail and jumps up to be petted. Then she runs over to the chair in the living room and jumps up on the back of it so she can be on our level and get in some more affection. We both dote on her for a few minutes after we get home no matter how long we've been gone. I always ask her about her day, if she was a good girl, etc....I know, ridiculous. Arsen, on the other hand, almost always says something along the lines of "Hi mamiczka (mom-ich-ka)" or "Hi solniczka (sol-nich-ka)" and loves on her for awhile. (By the way, what he's saying is hi mama or hi sunshine in Russian. And that spelling was my terrible attempt at guessing how it might possibly be spelled, but I'm sure I was horribly off base.) She gets 100% of our attention for several minutes, and she just eats it up.
The thing I'm concerned about is how much this will change here in a year or so. When the baby is big enough, I know he will run to the door the minute he hears his papa coming in. And I know that Arsen is going to immediately pick that little guy up and love on him like crazy. And in my mind, I see poor Addie jumping up, begging for attention, and getting ignored. And it breaks my freaking heart!
When I was telling Arsen about it, I started crying. Seriously. Just a few tears and a shaky voice, but enough for him to feel the need to assure me that he will never forget about Addie and will always give her the attention she deserves. And I hope that he's right, and that she is always loved as much as she is today. People keep telling me once the baby is here it just won't matter as much to me, that I'll love the baby so much that it will seem silly how much I care about Addie. And every time someone tells me that it makes me furious. Just because that's how it happened for you doesn't mean it will for me....and if it does, that's not something to be happy about! I think it's awful! These little pups love their owners more than anything in the world, and to suddenly be replaced is such a sad thing.
She's my baby, my "first-born", the one who taught me what it is to be completely responsible for another life. She taught Arsen and I both so much about responsibility, about balancing our time, about being patient. She came to us more than three years ago as a scrawny little 9 pound abandoned pup who honestly looked more like a rat than a dog, and has turned in to a spoiled little 13 pound diva who has more love than most doggies will ever know.
I know when our little man arrives I will love him with a fierceness I can't even imagine at this moment, even though the love I feel for him already is insane. But I never, ever want to forget how much I adore this little fur-baby of mine. She's my girl and she means the world to me, and I want her to feel adored and loved and content and happy until the day she's no longer with us.
very first pic!
so teeny tiny
early days with dad
healthy and happy one year later
Cowboys fans for life
family of three :)
melts my heart